


The First Step is Survival

by REDBLOODEDFREAK (Liechtybakaribbon)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide, death of a minor character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:31:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2125356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liechtybakaribbon/pseuds/REDBLOODEDFREAK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee Makara is a weird kid. His parents are divorced, his father is insane, his mother is depressed, and his brother has plenty of his own issues. When tragedy strikes, and Gamzee must live with his father and brother after years apart, how will he manage it? I suck at summaries, but tags come into play first chapter, so be careful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Panicked Child

Gamzee awoke to the sound of his mother screaming. "M-mama?" He called, his voice small and scared. He threw off the blankets and leapt out of bed, running to her bedroom. As the small boy rushed to the bed, he nearly tripped at what he saw. Her wrists and throat were slashed and gushing blood. Several bottles of some foul-smelling liquid we're lying empty beside her. The woman was deathly pale, twitching and writhing. As he approached, a terrified yet curious look etched on his face, she stilled. As soon as his hand brushed against her face, she let out a vicious snarl, and grabbed the blade which she had only moments ago used on herself, and slashed it once, twice, three times across his face, aiming for his throat, but due to her condition, misjudging its location. He screamed and scrambled away, crying and putting a hand to the deep cuts across his face. His mother began to yell insults at him, calling him a useless brat, an attention whore, an asshole who couldn't even help his own mother. She shouted that she hated him, just as she hated his fucking bastard of a father. She grabbed a pillow, stained red with her blood, and flung herself at him, trying to smother him, and the scrawny child lashed out and screamed, gasped for breath, cried in pain and confusion and all the unfamiliar emotions being flung at him. And then suddenly, the pressure lessened. He could breathe, and he squirmed out from under the weight of the large woman on top of him, and ran to the door, where he stared in horror at what he saw. His mother's face was oddly relaxed, compared to how it had been twisted just moments before. Her eyes were glazed over and unfocused, and the blood flow had gone from gushing to a smaller trickle. She was white as a sheet, and her light brown hair was clotted together and stained with clumps of red. Gamzee turned tail and ran, yelling as loudly as his small lungs could for help, for someone, for anyone. He ran to countless houses and banged on their front doors, until finally he broke down on the side of the road and sobbed. 

After a few moments, a concerned voice called out "Excuse me? Are... Are you alright?" A short man walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. The child looked up with tears still streaming down his face and mixing with the blood, and the man started. "What happened? Here," he picked Gamzee up and turned to walk in the direction he had come from, "where do you live?" Gamzee pointed in the direction of his house shakily, and whispered, "my mama... She... She was being real scary... And then she went all still and I was so scared so I ran... Please..." The stranged hushed him gently, planting a small kiss on his forehead. "Shh... It's okay. I'll take care of it." The man held Gamzee in one hand and walked hastily back to his house, setting the young boy on a chair in his kitchen and picking up the phone. Looking at a clock, the child noted that it was 3:07 am. That was kind of late, wasn't it? He heard the man talking to someone on the phone, saying words that sounded scary and grown-up. A moment later, a woman came in, beginning, "dear, wha- oh my goodness! Just a minute." She rushed to another room and returned with a small orange box, which she set on the table and pulled a few things out of. "Are you alright, sweetie?" She asked, a concerned look on her face. Gamzee nodded, biting his lip. She fussed over him and pulled out a white pad and a bottle of liquid. "This might sting a little, okay?" He nodded and she dabbed at the cuts on his face, wiping away the blood, and appearing more concerned as she went. The woman grabbed a towel and held it firmly to his face, her expression apologetic as he winced. "Sorry dear..." 

A siren... Two.. Three... Four? Sounded in the distance, drawing nearer. He began to cry again, sniffling and asking "wh-what will happen to my mama and me? We need to help her!" The woman held him tightly to her chest, keeping the pressure on his cuts. "It'll be okay." She said, in a voice that didn't sound very certain of that. As the sirens grew louder, a tiny figure appeared in the doorway. "Mommy? Daddy? What's happening? Isn't that the kid from down the street? What's wrong with his face?" The man walked over, holding the phone away from his face and telling him, "go back to your room, Karkat. Mommy will come up soon, okay?" The child appeared to want to protest, but instead simply walked back upstairs and at in the hallway, watching. His father returned to his phone call, supplying as much information as he could. 

Bright lights flashed through the windows, and the sirens got really loud, so Gamzee shut his eyes tightly and covered his ears. The man hung up the phone as two more men in uniform rushed inside, walking to the three in the kitchen. The adults explained all they knew, as Gamzee tried to hide from the scary people. They coaxed him out from under the table and asked him to show them where he lived. It was three houses down, and the man who had originally found him carried him, while the woman stayed with her son, trying to comfort him. When the policemen, paramedics, concerned neighbor and Gamzee arrived at the house, two policemen and two paramedics went inside with a stretcher and a large bag, while the rest stayed outside. A man and a woman were tending to Gamzee, putting bandages on his face and talking to him carefully, and cleaning him up. Then, he was sent with his neighbor and one of the policemen to stand on the front lawn, away from the scene as the three came out with his mother. She was lying on the stretcher, a white sheet over her body. The two people near Gamzee held him tightly as he looked at the shape that was his mother in confusion. Why weren't they helping her? She was loaded into an ambulance, and the doors were closed behind the medics. "I wanna see mama..." Gamzee pleaded. The men said nothing, simply put him inside of the other ambulance. His neighbor sat inside with him, holding his hand as they set off. The rest of the night was a blur of strange voices, sickly smells, bright lights, answering questions, pain, and uncomfortable chairs and beds. Ugly black stitches were sewn across the three gashes on his face, and he sat still through the pain. When they finally put him into a bed with a stiff mattress and gave him a small stuffed goat and some medicine to make him sleepy, he cried for the last time. He vowed to himself that he wouldn't cry again. That he would be better, stronger, like he couldn't be for his mother. 

The next day, he asked to see his mother. The pretty lady told him his mother couldn't see him right then. She said that his mother had to go away for a long time. She told him to be brave and gave him a lollipop. He sucked on the grape-flavored sweet and held onto the stuffed toy, as various new people came and went, examining him and asking him more questions until finally, he was allowed to go. The man, whose name it turned out was Mr. Vantas, held his hand and walked him to his car, where the nice lady from last night, his wife Mrs. Vantas was sitting in the drivers seat with a slightly forced smile on her face. They put him into the back seat and drove him to their house informing him that he would be staying with them for a while. He nodded and curled up in the seat, hugging the stuffed goat which he had been allowed to keep. They took him into a room upstairs with a bunkbed, which was obviously already inhabited, and told him he could play with the toys while he waited for Karkat (their son) to get home from school. He agreed and Mrs. Vantas closed the door most of the way. She went downstairs, and Gamzee laid on the bottom bunk and listened to their adult conversation. He heard "poor boy" and "mother dead" and "contact the father" and many other grown-up words which only meant one thing to him: he would soon be seeing the rest of his family, which could only lead to so much more trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my characterization is off! I don't write Gamzee often, but I thought it would be an interesting story, and my mind took it from there. This story will have plenty of angst, but also some romance stuff too. This is humanstuck. In the first chapter, Gamzee and Karkat are 6 years old. In the second chapter, they (and all other beta kids and trolls) will be 13, and all alpha kids and trolls will be 16 so there will be a 7-year jump. I love hearing from people, so please leave me comments and such! <3


	2. Seven Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost 7 years after the tragic death of his mother, Gamzee goes to school and goes on a friend date with Karkat, his best friend. Both have a lot on their minds. Will this distract them sufficiently?

Most people who lost family at a young age didn't remember them. But Gamzee remembered. Oh, did he remember. He saw her every day in his mind, every night in his nightmares; screaming, hurting herself, hurting him.

He stood from his bed and walked to the bathroom, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and gazing at his 13-year-old face, faded white scars still visible. His hair was shoulder-length and ash-blonde, and it stuck out all over the place in an unkempt fashion. His eyes were a deep blue, and his jaw rounded. The boy was about 5'9 and skinnier than he should be. Damn, he hated those motherfucking scars so much. They made all the other kids at school stare at him and judge him before he had even said one word to them. No matter how hard he tried to be friendly, they only ever seemed to cry and run away. 

He walked downstairs to the kitchen dressed in his usual dark jeans, purple shirt and black hoodie, zipped halfway, and black converse. His father had left for work hours ago, before Gamzee could even dream of waking, but his brother nodded a greeting as he took a poptart from the pantry. Morning, motherfucker." Gamzee acknowledged. 

A moment later, Kurloz walked away and out of the front door, taking his backpack and giving a small wave over his shoulder. He would of course, be driving to the highschool, and he would of course not be giving his younger brother a ride. Gamzee glanced at the clock and cursed, "Fuck! The bus will be all up and getting here before I can finish!" He hurried out of the door with his bag, locking it, and ran down to the end of the street where other kids were already getting on. Just as he walked the final few steps, the door closed and the bus pulled away, leaving hi standing on the sidewalk. Well fuck you too, Mr. Busdriver Asshole III. Fuck you too. 

As Gamzee set off on the mile walk to school, the mid-October sun beginning to peak over the horizon, he began to think. He thought about the bus driver who had just left him behind. He pondered the friends who had left him and the friends who had never bothered to know him well enough to leave him. He thought about his mother who had tried to take him with her when she left. Sometimes, he wondered why he hadn't gone with her. Sometimes, the boy wondered why he had been allowed to live and forced to endure seven years of misery. 

Then suddenly, a loud "HEY IDIOT" reminded him of one reason he was actually glad to be alive, puncturing his thoughts, and deflating the balloon of self-pity. Gamzee looked up to see a short, grumpy, freckle-faced, brown-haired boy glaring at him from the back seat of a silver car. "Hey there, best friend. How's it going?" He grinned, leaning on the hood at the car and speaking to Karkat. "Well you see, I wondered if you-" The driver, Karkat's older brother Kankri, was cut off by "Just get in the car, idiot." Gamzee's lazy grin grew into a happy, grateful one as he opened the door and sat inside next to Karkat. "Thanks, bro." "Oh, it is absolutely no trouble." Kankri drove off, after making sure that both boys had their seat belts fastened safely and that Gamzee had not been triggered in any way by the offer. They reached the school a few minutes before the warning bell rang, and all three hurried to their classes.

When the day ended, Gamzee and Karkat met in their usual spot. "Hey there." The taller slung his arm easily around the other's shoulders. "How's it going?" Karkat shrugged his arm off as usual and muttered, "fine, totally fine." Gamzee frowned, looking at his friend in concern. "You sure, bro?" The smaller boy nodded, refusing to look at him in the eye. "I know, how's about we go to that little movie theatre in town? Your choice of movie, with cherry coke, popcorn with extra butter and skittles, the whole deal just the way you like it." Karkat looked up, almost smiling for a moment, before his natural frown painted his face once again and saying, "Sure, sounds fucking amazing. We can go and sit in a crowded room with a bunch of assholes on their phone who don't actually give a damn about it, and watch random couples make out while sitting on cushy-ass chairs and eating disgusting food that looks like it got barfed out of a rabid dog's mouth. Let's go." 

They set off hand in hand, Karkat protesting, while Gamzee simply held on tighter. Simple topics came to the conversation as they went, from their days (both shitty) to their families (all assholes), then finally to the topic at hand: what movie they would watch. Eventually, after Karkat argued the benefits of a rom-com and Gamzee simply walked and nodded in passive agreement, they came to a conclusion. The friend-date played out pleasantly and uneventfully, with much laughter, snuggling and, on Karkat's part, tears. "It was so tragic," he sobbed into Gamzee's shoulder, "he... And then she... And they... AUGH!" 

They each called their respective parents, asking to be picked up, and after some discussion, it was decided that, as it was Friday, Mrs. Vantas would pick them up in about an hour on her way home from work for a sleepover at the Vantas' house. They would wait for her in the frozen yogurt shop across the street. 

The friends walked inside hand in hand, Karkat still sniffling. As they pooled their remaining money, they realized that they only had enough for one bowl. The boys decided, after arguing for a few minutes, that they would go half cherry and half grape: each of their favourite flavours. On top, they piled chocolate sprinkles and gummy worms until the bowl nearly overflowed. Then, the two payed, receiving 17 cents in change. They sat at a booth in the corner by the window and dug in, slipping in a bit of conversation here, a discussion there as they ate. After a few minutes, Gamzee set his spoon down and stuck his finger into the frozen yogurt, putting a dot on the end of Karkat's nose. "Honk," he chuckled, as the other glared at him. And then suddenly, there was a cold, brightly coloured dot on the end of his nose too. "Fuck you, asshole." Karkat stuck his tongue out childishly. Gamzee simply grinned and wiped the stickiness off of his face as Karkat did likewise. Moments later, his mother walked in, and they set off for the home of the Vantas family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my chapters being pretty short! They look way longer when I write them, but I write then on the notes on my iPad, soooo... Anyways, I hope you have enjoyed this chapter of fluff after the angsty first chapter. Plenty more where that came from! Please leave me feedback, I love hearing from people!!! <3 Have a wonderful day!


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